Attitudes Shaped by Grace | Day 30

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” (Philippians 2:3-4, NIV)

Good morning, friends. Think about the last time you passed someone in a doorway or a hallway and the whole conversation took two seconds. “How are you?” “Fine, you?” “Good.” Both of you kept walking. Nothing was lied about, exactly, and nothing was said either.

We have all been on both sides of that exchange more times than we could count, and most of the time it is harmless. This morning we want to look at what sometimes hides behind the word “fine,” and at the one who never once accepted it as our final answer.

The Answer That Ends the Conversation

We learned the script early. Someone asks how we are doing, and the answer comes out before we have even checked. Fine. Good. The word is polite, quick, and safe, and it does a job for us. It closes the door before anyone can look inside. We say it in the church lobby after a week we would rather not describe. We say it to the person who is actually asking, and we watch a little relief pass over their face, because now neither of us has to go any further.

That relief is worth being honest about. When someone answers “fine,” we are often glad to hear it, not because we are certain they are well, but because we are now free to move on. We are not sure what we would say if the real answer came out. So we take “fine” at face value and keep walking, and somewhere behind us a person goes back to carrying what they almost mentioned.

Paul writes to believers who had every reason to be busy with their own concerns, and he asks something of them that cuts right across that habit: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” (Philippians 2:3-4, NIV) Looking to the interests of others does not require a committee or a crisis. It begins with wanting to know how the person in front of us is really doing, and being willing to hear it.

The writer of Hebrews tells us why the question matters more than we think. “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” (Hebrews 3:13, NIV) Sin is a liar, and it lies loudest to the person who is alone. It tells the grieving that no one would want to hear it again. It tells the one who has drifted from worship that nobody noticed. A brother or sister who stops and asks, and then waits for the answer, carries God’s truth into that silence. The Holy Spirit alone keeps a heart in the faith through the Word, and one of the ways he brings that Word to a weary person is through the voice of a fellow believer who did not keep walking.

The One Who Did Not Take “Fine” for an Answer

Before we could ever ask the question of anyone else, someone asked it of us. From the day we were born, we had the deepest trouble a person can have, and we were telling God we were fine. We were not fine. We were lost, and the one who knew it best was the one we were trying to wave past. Jesus Christ did not stand on the far side of the doorway and accept our answer. He stepped into our world, lived the life of perfect love we have never lived, carried our sin to the cross, and rose from the dead so that the truth about us could be told without fear. The truth is that we were sinners, and the truth is that we are forgiven. He looked to our interests when we were looking only to our own, and he did it for the whole world, for every person who has ever said “fine” and meant “please do not ask.”

Because that is already settled, we do not ask the question to earn anything. We ask because the Spirit is at work in us, turning the same love outward. Paul describes what that love looks like in one short line: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” (Romans 12:15, NIV) The verse does not say fix those who mourn, or avoid those who mourn until they are easier to be around. It says mourn with them. It also says rejoice with them, which can be just as hard when their good news arrives in a season when ours has not. Watchful love goes where the other person actually is.

Paul also makes clear that paying attention is not the same as being soft. “And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone.” (1 Thessalonians 5:14, NIV) The real answer to “how are you really doing” will not always be sorrow. Sometimes it will uncover a pattern that needs a gentle word of God’s law, and love does not skip that part. Sometimes it will uncover a heart that is simply worn out and needs encouragement. Sometimes it will uncover a need we can help carry. We do not know which until we ask, and patience with everyone is the thread that runs through all four.

Solomon tells us this takes a little effort and a little skill. “The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.” (Proverbs 20:5, NIV) The water is there. Someone has to lower the bucket, and that is what the second question does. “How are you really doing?” Then we stop talking. We let the quiet sit for a moment longer than is comfortable, because that quiet is often where the real answer lives. Some days the answer really will be “fine,” and that is good news we can rejoice over. Other days the answer will be something the person has been waiting weeks for someone to ask about, and the Lord has placed us in that doorway for that reason.

This is the new life Jesus Christ has given us, not a rule we keep to stay in his favor, but the shape his love takes once it has reached us. He drew us out of the deep water of our own sin and told us the truth with mercy. He still does, every time we return to his Word and his table. Because he never settled for “fine” from us, the Spirit now gives us eyes that notice, feet that stop, and a question that is willing to wait for its answer. The person standing in front of us today is someone Jesus Christ already looked at and loved enough to die for. We can afford to look a second time.

Prayer

Lord Jesus, thank you for not accepting my “fine.” Thank you for seeing everything I tried to hide, for loving me anyway, and for taking my sin to the cross so that the truth about me no longer has the power to condemn me. Thank you for the gift of the Holy Spirit, who keeps bringing your Word to my tired heart through your people. Forgive me for the times I was relieved to hear “fine” from someone and kept walking, because it was easier for me. Give me eyes that notice the people you have placed around me and the humility to value them above my own schedule.

Teach me to ask the second question and to wait for the answer. Make me someone who rejoices honestly with those who rejoice and who stays with those who mourn. When the answer calls for a gentle word of your law, give me courage and kindness in the same breath. When it calls for encouragement, let my words carry your promises and not just my opinions. Use me today to remind someone that they are not alone and that you have not forgotten them. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

Thank you for reading this morning. There is someone in your day who will answer “fine” when you ask, and you may be the one the Lord has placed there to ask once more. Tomorrow we step through the church doors together and look at who belongs inside them, and the answer is better than we sometimes let ourselves believe.

To God be the glory.

Pray, praise, and give thanks, for God is good and His mercy endures forever.

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